Good morning, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. You know, there's a lot of industriousness in this sphere we call home. It does this humble priest good to walk around the bazaar and see so many people hard at work. God helps those who help themselves, though.

But it's not just your physical welfare that counts. You've got to think of your spiritual health—it'll matter when we go to that great tree in the sky! Assuming there is one outside the glass. But hey, don't let me go on like this. Starting today, you can find me six nights a week taking confessions and issuing blessings at the bar. It's all part of my vocation.

Oh, yeah, and the blessings are free if you spot me a drink.